Pondering Continued.

I am feeling quite existential after launching the creative writing project that I am encouraging *ahem, or forcing* some of the people around me to participate in. (As my brother said, "You're giving US an assignment?" Yes, Chase...it is for the benefit of your own self-awareness. Some girl in the future will thank me for it.) The veracity & speed of some of the responses I have already read has reinforced my thinking that the preponderance of deep thinking is something that so many of us do naturally, but may never discuss or share with others. The journal will start to make its first interstate journey (hopefully) by the end of this week. 

In other news, I saw this video today that brought one of my coworkers (a relatively new mom, unsurprisingly) to tearing up. While we riffed a bit about trying a more comical version of this activity with other kids, the concept that we learn to recognize one another based on much more than sight resonated too. Would I be able to "sniff out" the people I care about most, as one child did? Unlikely...as I would not be apt to want to use that technique, but could I figure out people based on other qualities? I would like to hope so. How do we tell people apart? What causes people to be so unique? I'm starting to wax cliche, so I'm capping that off, while I let my mind wander.

After talking to my professional mentor and being inspired by what she has done, I started to write back to the responses I got to my "Something I wish my teacher knew..." notes. I found myself thinking back to the activity I did a few months ago...I felt like there was a divide or imperceptible separation between my care for my class and their perception. I wrote individualized compliments to each child, and dug deep. This new response of responding to what they wish I knew is, as Dave encourages me every time I see him, helping me to become a better teacher each day. While this year has by far had its ups and downs, I don't know if I have ever felt so needed or emotionally connected to a class of unique human beings. & never do I think I have had such a deeply introspective crew of young adults. With only a few weeks left in the year, I cannot wait to see what these kids do with their passion projects and action...& I cannot wait to see them in 10 years, when they have really started spreading the impact of their lives to others.

Enough shop talk for one day...I have noticed a significant uptick in the number of spiritual conversations I have had lately as well. I am so thankful that there are people surrounding me that are willing to share deeply personal struggles and the seed thoughts from God helping them through those struggles to daily victories. I am grateful for people who are readily moved to show appreciation & care for others even by reaching out to share a thought too. I hope some days I am unknowingly that person for others, but not by my own strength or words.

I have been reminiscing about Grandpa the past few days and reflecting on how quickly natural strength ebbed and how much more quickly I felt close to him as a direct result of his willingness to be vulnerable & depend on others for natural needs, as he confirmed his settlement spiritually. I am now down to a single living grandparent. It is an unusual feeling, and one that stings of a desire to know more about those I have lost, and more still about those that I have not yet. Who knows how long any of us have & I have been reminded time and again this year of the need to "Carpe diem," as my favorite high school English teacher would say.

I'm off to nurse this sunburn I got at the track meet today as the result of stupidity & go look at pictures of an adorable new baby cousin...au revoir for now.

Parting question: How do you measure success?

Songspiration (of the mellow variety today):
Here We Are - Partrick Park
I Remember - Whitley
We are the Tide - Blind Pilot
And Then You - Greg Laswell
Boy with a Coin - Iron & Wine
September - Earth, Wind & Fire (because who doesn't like flashbacks to dancing with their dad in the living room?)
Chain - Fleetwood Mac
You are my Sunshine - Copeland (because this is the song Grandpa E always sang to us & I'm feeling nostalgic today)
Budapest - George Ezra (in case you live under a rock & missed this gem)

Goofy Links:
Fritz Learns to Catch (because our team used it to show what perseverance looks like to the kids)

Being Human 101 Project

Inspiration. I have been bitten by spontaneity & creative encouragement sporadically for the past few months...the last year has been a bit of a fog with bursts of clarity, love, & expression & a lot of mundane days in between. Reminiscing the past few months has been a wake-up call back to the more introspective, engaging person I feel that I once was. It has appealed that if you find yourself uninteresting/predictable/sheltered, so will everyone else. 

Poring over once started journals of convention notes, teenage angst, world travels, & postcards from exotic places has served to remind me of all of the parts of the world that I find joy in. I blushed a bit looking through sketchbooks from my figure painting class, laughed from the gut at memories of drenched hikes in Europe, contemplated love thinking about past relationships, sang loudly along to the song I learned on the piano on a whim a couple weeks back, rubbed the blister I got from picking up guitar one night a few weeks ago fondly, created foodie smoothies from hammer-cracked coconuts with my best friend in the kitchen & breathed in deep the smell of graphite as I drew a borrowed composition of a suspended dancer. Why did I let all of these hobbies go? I have no idea. 

I have spent the last few weeks neck-deep in talking with my students about the meaning of expression. What does it mean to express yourself? How/why do people express themselves? About what? Does it mean anything to have thoughts if they are never expressed through action, words, education, or otherwise? It has been getting deep in Room 6 lately. The kids came up with beautiful explanations of current issues & how the expression of opinions about these issues constitutes authentic expression as they launch in Exhibition for the IB PYP programme at our school. 

As I reflected on these conversations, I realized just how hypocritical it is for me to expect these kids to be so deep and open, when I do everything in my power each day to compartmentalize my thinking/actions to avoid offense and/or unintended openness. With faith to ground my thinking, I feel privileged to have beliefs that have given me some understanding of why I am here, but I still wonder what my purpose looks like/is. What does is actually mean to be human? 

Maybe everything in life does boil back down to that kindergarten lesson...sharing is caring. 

Sharing thoughts. 

Sharing faith. 

Share memories. 

Sharing emotion. 

Sharing love. 

Openly & without restraint as much as possible. 

How can we find any joy in life without any connection to others? How can we connect deeply without letting some part of the sheltered inner us fly like the glorious freak flags we have been gifted?

My cousin posted this story Thursday. I tried this same activity with my class on Thursday...my timing of having them respond just after standardized tests lead to a few responses like, "I wish my teacher knew we need a couch," and "I wish my teacher knew how boring standardized tests are," but a couple were surprisingly as heartbreaking as some in this story. One child told me, "You already know everything about me! So, I wrote that I wish you knew how to be immortal." 

Little activities like this remind me why it is so important to connect. We are want to belong. We all want our voice in the room, whether that is Room 6 or the world stage. Either way, it has served to remind me to find the outlet. For myself, for my family, for my students, for my friends. Express. Ponder. Explore. Care. Why else are we here? 

 That being said, I am starting a creative writing project. Maybe it will just end up being a few journals in my room, maybe it will be writing-fuel to keep blogging...who knows? All I know is I am curious. What makes the people around me tick? What are the honest thoughts about the important things in life that I have never asked myself or others? How will learning about the people I spend all of my time with change how I see/care about them? I bought a few moleskin journals the other day and started writing what love is to me. Today I will have new people start to write in those journals. I've toyed with the idea of having my kids write their thinking too & turn it into my best classroom keepsake to keep my memories of each child with me...their openness in responding to the last question I gave them leads me to believe that they will shock me with their thoughtful responses to a prompt to write about one time they felt loved. Anyone interested in participating, please comment on this or message or vox or text or call or pm on Facebook...you get the idea. :) 

 Enough prose for one Saturday morning. Off to doodle on some journal covers & drink delicious tea created by the one and only Abenie.

 Songspiration this week:
Andy Grammar - Honey, I'm Good
Glass Animals - Toes 
For the Foxes - Running Back to You 
Jetta - Feels Like Coming Home
Something's Missing - Sheppard  
Josef Salvat - Open Season
Andrew McMahon - Canyon Moon

Links to love: 
Way to inspire the class that they thrived on (I Am Eleven trailer)

Best new local tea company founded by Ashley & Abenie (aka 2/3 of the A-Team)